She found me.
She broke through the barrier in my brain.
It was sudden.
Unexpected.
Intense.
Fierce.
It was as though I had complete amnesia my entire life...
So I believed, without question, when I was told that I was nothing.
Abruptly, I knew.
I knew I had always been lied to.
The amnesia was instantly cured.
It was momentarily disorienting...
...Like waking up from a nightmare.
The burst of anger that I felt was jarring.
It rattled my spirit;
causing an eruption...
...She triggered a volcanic eruption in my previously dead soul.
The anger, at first, I recognized, was not my own.
It was Hers.
They had stolen the seed that was given to Her...
The seed that would blossom into the person She knew that I was supposed to be.
But before it could take root,
they stole it;
they made sure to destroy it.
So She decided to give me a gift.
A painful one, to be sure...
But a necessary one.
And I am beyond grateful.
In mere moments,
the eruption of my soul,
triggered by Her anger,
transformed my core.
No longer was I hollow.
I was building.
S w i f t l y.
Like an island rising out of the ocean;
made from nothing but crude molten rock.
The heat was like nothing I had ever felt.
This anger that was not my own,
became the foundation of my core.
My SELF.
She cared for me to such an extreme, that She ignited my insides.
Suddenly, I was filled with a knowing.
A certainty...
..."I am loved."
Fiercely.
Unconditionally.
...UNCONDITIONALLY.
I had not earned it.
I had not even asked for it...
I had wished for it;
though I did not expect it.
I am in awe.
She loves me.
She has always loved me.
Until now,
I simply did not have the access required to know...
For that knowledge was embedded in the seed that they had stolen.
..........................................
It's been a few years now since the eruption.
The volcano that She gave to me has built my core.
This island that is me, continues to thrive;
creating a healthy, balanced environment that I am refining all the time.
It's a process.
At times it's extremely difficult,
but nothing could make me want to go back to the me that I was before the eruption...
...All I've suffered as a result was absolutely worth it.
I have my foundation now...
And it is unshakable.
I am literally built on Her love for me.
I no longer apologize for the things that I shouldn't.
I no longer tolerate the things that I shouldn't.
I can plant my feet firmly,
stand up for myself,
and forever know...
No matter what anyone thinks...
or says...
or does...
I am NOT worthless;
~ She is ME, and She has shown me...
I am truly loved.
